The Style Invitational Week 909: Reprizing
By Pat Myers
Friday, March 4, 2011; 12:31 PM
lnker
Loser T-shirt
Loser mug
Loser magnet
The FirStink air "freshener"
Pantyhose with a run
Old National Geographics
A handful of pennies
A charger for your previous cellphone
One perfectly good shoelace
Tattered underwear.
Fewer than 5,000 people
anywhere in the Milky Way galaxy have won even a single Style Invitational
prize in its 18 years - this week! - of existence (the Invite's, that is; the
galaxy is dozens of years older).
But a handful of the truly
obsessed Style Invitational Losers, reputedly residents of Planet Earth, have
accumulated hundreds or more: enough to crash the mantel to the floor, to make
the refrigerator door sag on its hinges. While Loser Mike Gips boasts a mere 23
prizes - including the Inker and mug he scored in this week's results - he
suggests a contest to make use of these otherwise worthless objects.
We've filled out the list
with a few other items that end up lying around the house. This week: Suggest
humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. You
may use any quantity of each item, except the one shoelace, the pennies and the
FirStink for First Ink, since you can win only one of those. If you want to construct
some physical thing, send a photo of it as an attachment to your e-mail.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the Style
Invitational Breakfast Set, consisting of Inflatable Toast plus a whole Inflatable
Fruitcake all atop a bacon-motif place mat (utterly nonfat). Food donated by
Jeff Contompasis, the place mat by Russell Beland.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions win a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink).
E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, March 20; results to be published April 3 (April 1 online). Put
"Week 909" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See more rules at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week's results is by Chris Doyle;
the honorable-mentions subhead is by Russell Beland.
Report from Week 906, in which we asked for ideas for Loser Mug 2: The Next Generation, a
prize for third- and fourth-place finishers that replaces the design we've used
since 2007.
The winner of the Inker
My Cup Punneth Over (Mike
Gips, Bethesda; Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.; Howard Walderman, Columbia; they
also win the mug)
Winners of the mug with someone else's idea on it:
2 One Ounce Short of a Pint:
Runner-Up, the Style Invitational (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn; the mug is indeed
a 15-ouncer)
3 [Front] Sometimes You Lose
. . . [Back] . . . and Sometimes You Lose (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
4 Middle-Wit Champion:
Runner-Up, the Style Invitational (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
More java scripts: Honorable mentions
Model it after those mugs
with the pictures of all the presidents - but instead, feature each election's
losing candidate. (Drew Knoblauch, Arlington; Seth Tucker, Washingtom)
Genius Is Its Own Reward. I
Got This Mug Instead. (Josh Feldblyum, Philadelphia)
Style Invitational
Official Travel Spittoon (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Chris Doyle, traveling in
Iguacu Falls, Brazil)
If You Don't Get It, You
Don't Get This (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
Graphic with the Robert
Indiana square LOVE design, with an S scribbled over the V and an R added to
crudely turn it into LOSER - trying to show this as art instead of a
description. (Drew Knoblauch; Peter Jenkins, Bethesda; Suzanne Cross,
Chantilly, a First Offender)
Cartoon of a man at the
supermarket "Self Checkout" line. He's looking down his pants.
Caption: LOSER. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
Caution: Contents Tepid.
Runner-Up, the Style Invitational (Russell Beland, Fairfax; Martin Bancroft, Rochester,
N.Y.)
Sunday DriveL (Tom Witte)
Do you know how many ceramics
had to die to make this mug? (Craig Dykstra)
Warning: Content provider may
be hot. But we doubt it. (Kevin Dopart)
A Venus de Milo statue looks
down at a crouching Thinker, saying, "Loser." Thinker is holding a
mug: "Only a mug? But I'm so funny." (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Venn diagram: Left
oval, "Think"; right oval, "Drink"; in the center,
"Ink." (Chris Doyle)
Next week: Naming rite, or Branding irony